Crossing the Line

Posted by Bansidhe on February 22nd, 2008 filed in Guild

Lately, I’ve read several blog posts about the behavior expected when one leaves a guild. Matticus has a post that nails it on the head. I won’t discuss that further. Instead I’d like to discuss behavior in general while in a guild.

I’ll say this story is a classic example of how not to behave in guild chat, and I need to get it off my chest before I implode. As Mark Twain wrote, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

My husband and I have gamed with a small group of people for over five years, and we moved from another MMO to WoW with them. Our guild had always been that casual guild that would never make it past ten man instances. You know the kind; people use them on their way up to bigger and better things.

Along the way, it managed to grow and pick up several people. One of those people, in the beginning, was very quiet. He never spoke on Vent and rarely typed anything in guild chat. Not a problem. Some people like to be solitary. From here on out, I’ll call him Jagbag. Can you tell this doesn’t end well?

I should stop and explain that I am no uptight prude either. I spent enough time in the military in a male-dominated career field that not much shocks me. In fact, the boilermakers in my guild have jokingly asked if I was part of the local union because I have such a potty mouth. My husband jokes that I have to bottle it all in with my students all day, so it all comes out as if I have Tourrette’s Syndrome. He even adds that he doesn’t think washing my mouth with soap would help.

Anyways, over the course of six months, Jagbag comes out of his shell. When I write that he came out of his shell, well, that’s a mild understatement. He would type some of the weirdest stuff in guild chat. It started innocently enough. There would be a fart joke here or a bodily function joke there. I teach sixth graders, so this was by no means shocking. However, some of the stuff this guy started writing made me really uncomfortable. You know, that Spidey Sense tingling kind of uncomfortable.

First, it started with him joking that his two real life friends had logged out for the night to have some “couple time” but instead of referring to it as that, he stated that the male of the couple “doesn’t make love, he rapes.” To which, the guild responded with silence. Alright then. I chalked it up to immature gamers using that word constantly when they are ganked or beaten in PvP.

Then it transitioned to jokes about race. Fine, fine, I can handle that, too. I’m half Japanese and half Black, refer to myself as a half-breed, and I’m married to a guy of Norwegian-Scottish descent. There’s not much you can say to me regarding race that will shock me. But, for some reason, my Spidey Sense was still tingling, and we actually had new recruits quitting the guild because of the racial comments.

Our guild leader at the time along with our officers did nothing to rein him in because we’d always been a guild that prided ourselves on how open and mature we were about things. Since it was an adult only guild, there was no need to hold anyone accountable. Um, yeah, whatever. It seemed like every time one line was drawn in the proverbial sand, someone had to step over it and take the comment to the next level.

My breaking point came when Jagbag made some offhanded comments about killing babies/kids and raping women. At that point, I ignored him because speaking to the officers and the guild leader did no good. A few days later, I left.

Meanwhile, my husband stayed in the guild for a few more weeks. He spoke to the leader on several occasions but nothing changed. Thus he left, too.

Over the next few months, I still maintained contact with one of my old friends who would update me on the goings on of the group. Turns out that a large majority of the guild had the guy on ignore, and he couldn’t figure out why people wouldn’t take him on runs after offering open spots in guild. Duh, Jagbag, you’re on ignore! Eventually, he threw a huge fit where he went on a multi-post tirade, told a veteran member to “F- his mother”, then quit the guild.

Months later, I returned to the guild because it came under new management who wanted to make some major changes. It made sense since they were always PUGing me for DPS in Kara. I will admit that I asked my friend repeatedly before joining if the guild chat had changed. He assured me it had. So far, he’s been right.

A few days ago while I was checking the site and doing my daily administrative duties, I notice we had a new application posted in our guild forum. Lo and behold, guess who it is? If you guessed Jagbag, you’re right!

I debated for a few minutes on what to do. Mind you, I’m the sole administrator on the site and have uploaded, configured, and fixed everything on that site. I could have made that application go poof into the ether. However, I didn’t.

Instead, I just wrote the following reply to his application:

1. Does this person realize guild chat is not the place to talk about killing kids/babies, rape, his bodily functions, or whatever sick stuff pops into his brain?
2. Has Jagbag grown up since the last time he was in our guild, or will he leave in another angry tirade where he goes off?
3. Can this person manage himself in a guild with Person A (whom he told F your mother) or in guild chat (in general), or is he still going to be a f-ing douchebag to the point that half the guild has him on ignore AGAIN?

Maybe I shouldn’t have dropped my own f-bomb nor called him a douchebag, but at the time, it seemed to fit. Instead, I could have easily dissected his application and pointed out that he contradicted himself when he wrote that he was a team player willing to go on any run but he couldn’t do any intense instancing because his computer couldn’t handle it.

I promptly received a PM from one of the officers, who also happens to be his real life friend. She glossed over the inappropriate guild chat comment and wrote that everyone was doing it back then. Does that excuse how far it went? No. Instead of admitting that, blame was essentially shifted to another guild member as the impetus for Jagbag leaving in the first place and that she was hoping for “a ‘water under the bridge’ attitude” from the guild. However, she figures my post will cause him to rescind his application. Um, that’s a bad thing?

Now, that leads me to wonder, how can one think that the pattern of behavior that he consistently showed for six months would change? Second, since we are recruiting consistently to do 25-mans, do we want new recruits and members who didn’t experience the Jagbag era to leave because of how far he will take a “joke”? Isn’t that counterproductive to progression? Where should the line be drawn now that things are going so well for the guild?

I don’t have the answers to that, but I know I’ve stated my feelings loud and clear. If he’s guilded, what will I do? I’ll cross and burn that bridge if/when I get to it.

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